I should have been dead (UPDATED)

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       My testimony. I was ok until middle school. I started sleeping with girls when I was 12 or 13. My dating relationships turned into nothing more than that. Around this time is when I also started hanging out with my older brothers more. They would let me drink and smoke with them. After a while though, they didnt want to hang out with their little brother anymore so they didnt. I quit drinking and smoking because I had no access to it. I just kept dating. One girl I dated used to cut herself. Her parents were divorced and she said it took the pain away. I started cutting myself at night because I didnt want her to feel alone. Eventually they we broke up as do all middle school relationships. I dated a girl from clear lake who was a Christian. I was not when we were dating. I convinced her that everything but sex was ok before marriage. One day I didnt take no for an answer and I raped her. We broke up a few days later and I was so scared she was going to tell somebody that I went down to the bathroom and swallowed a bottle of pills. Nothing happened. I woke up in the middle of the night and got sick. Life went on and after a few weeks so did my dating and using girls. There was one relationship that I was in for a long time. It got to be all about sex however and I broke up with her. When she cried in front of me, I saw not only the hurt I caused her, But it seemed like the sum of all the hurt I had ever caused any girl was in her eyes. I went home and told my self I was worthless, a coward, Trash, Unworthy of life or anyone to love me. I went to the garage and drank a huge bottle of the first thing I could find until Couldnt drink anymore. After that I went inside, Got the phone, and shut my self in the bathroom. I called the girl I broke up with and said I am sorry, she wouldnt have to hurt anymore cuz it was almost over. I passed out and woke up laying on the bathroom floor. I called my parents and they came home and took me to the er. I remember fading in and out while I was there. Looking at my mom. Seeing her gut wrenched look like somebody punched a hole through her chest. I wanted to say I love you mom and I am sorry. But I couldnt. I faded out. I came to again and saw my dad. He was both mad and scared, and then I faded out again. I didnt wake up until the next morning. The doctors were checking my vision all night cuz they were certain the stuff I drank was going to make me go blind. The doctor said I had a methane level of 1200 in my system. He then went on to tell me that anything over 900 is lethal. I should have been dead. I spent 2 weeks in the hospital and then 1/2 a week in five east. After that I thought I was going to stay out of trouble. I met a new friend and we started a band. It was him, his moms boyfriend, and I. His moms boyfriend suggested one day that we smoke some pot. He had been doing it but just now wanted us to. So we did. I cant remember a single time that summer when I wasn't high or drunk or on something else. I pierced my eyebrow twice. I gave myself a tattoo. I even slept with my best friends mom.......I was doing a lot of stupid things. My old friend told my parents what I had been doing and they questioned me about it. I confessed to my dad that it helped me handle stress and slow my A.D.D. down and just helped me relax. He kicked me out of the house 5 days before Christmas. My mom convinced him to let me come home on the condition that I Quit everything. At this time I was also hooking my friends up with drugs and abusing more than just pot. I quit it all though because I knew I needed my family. Through out all of this I was going to yfc and the only reason I went was for friends. I didnt care about God. A freind there invited me to a retreat for youth that his church was doing for a weekend. I convinced my parents to let me go because it was a Christian event. I expected to hear some Jesus loves you's, Some God is good's and stuff like that. When I was listening to the speaker, it felt like he was looking right through me at everything I had ever done. They made an alter call and I went up and got on my knees. I said God, I could care less if you are real or not. I have tried other religions, other lifestyles, everything but you. All I have left is you. So if you are real then do something already because I am tired of living this life. The Holy Spirit filled me that day and I never have been the same. God was calling me to write a letter some time after being saved. I was sitting in study hall and I just started writing. I started writing all the things I had been through before I came to faith. Then I felt God telling me where this letter was supposed to go. I didnt want to, but I sent it to the girl I had raped. I apologized for everything and told her that I had been saved. We wrote back in forth in letters for about three months. We started hanging out again. Eventually though we got physically involved again though. We were married on july 20th 2009 and November 10th 2009 is when out daughter was born. God has been doing some amazing things and I pray this testimony he uses to reach somebody. 