There is a possibility that the reason I continue to write music (and this very blog) is a lie. Maybe I believe this lie because a handful of people either believe it too or are too nice (or don’t care enough) to tell me the truth. At least that’s what I constantly ask myself. Most musicians are insecure babies so we can’t help but think about our motives and ourselves relentlessly.
Still, no matter how often I question this lie, there’s a catch—I actually believe it.
Okay, so here’s the lie.... I actually believe I am good enough to earn and deserve your attention, even though I act humble at shows or interviews. RAVENHILL and I have played with hundreds of musicians and bands, some household names and others you’ve never heard of. What’s crazy is I trust that lie enough to truly believe that RAVENHILL is more important of a band than 99% of those other artists. There have been literally only a handful of artists that I believe deserve your love more than me. Why the heck am I telling you this? Why am I not just sharing the same type of interview most people are use to? The ones that say stuff like, “I was washing windows and listening to The Gaslight Anthem and the chorus for 'Brooklyn Blackout' hit me.” That's how it did happen though and we recorded it the next day. But the reason I don’t want to share only that stuff is, I want to be honest. Honest about the fact that I may be buying into a lie and you may be also. If you like RAVENHILL and bought our music, liked our Facebook page, gone to a show, or even if you’re reading this article, you’ve helped perpetuate this lie. The truth is that Jesus Freak Hideout asked me to do a guest spot on their site because we released, ”SPIRIT” an EP of songs that we wrote for or shortly after we released our last full length SOUL. It’s a collection of alternate versions of songs off of SOUL and two songs that I couldn’t see on a real or formal RAVENHILL release. Honestly, these songs are available to you because being in a mid to low level band is tough. You see, I believe we deserve your attention but my beliefs don’t get you to buy records or pay me $1,000 to come play you bar or church youth room. It doesn’t justify my wife continuing to work a job she hates so I can do what I believe “God has put me on this earth to do.”
These beliefs persist because sometimes after enough disappointments, enough shows playing for no one, broken tour vans, hurt feelings and arguments, band members leave or lose interest and leave me questioning if we are good enough. RAVENHILL actually has about 30 songs we could record and put out but something slows us down. Something keeps us from taking risks so we released these 6 songs. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in these SWEETWOOD songs. SWEETWOOD is the name of the street we recorded these songs on and has now become the name of what we call alternate versions of previously released songs. I’d argue that a few of the SWEETWOOD songs are better than their SOUL counterparts.
There’s a chance this article is garbage and the ramblings of a madman. Maybe this should’ve been bounced off my brother Brady or best friend David, but I’m talking to you now.
I get tired of all the lies.
I get tired of all these “Christian” “artists” acting perfect and on the other side of the spectrum confusing cussing as being honest, both are immature and fake. The truth is as musicians we never grew up. We don’t deserve your attention. We should probably stop making records, but we won’t. As long as people believe the lie, we will continue.
So is it dangerous to believe this lie? Or is it a necessary evil, a tool by another name to push us creatives further. One compliment outweighs a hundred disappointments. One good review will push me to play 20 more shows for no one. Is the lie worth believing in?
This is just one thing that I struggle with when picking up a guitar, but I believe RAVENHILL to be authentic and pure at its core. We plan on releasing a new EP every four months for the next year and a half. That is the basis for our next set of risks we are going to take. We are ambitious and we are going to try to prove to you and ourselves that we deserve your love.
If you’ve given me the grace of reading this far into this blog, you’ve probably come to your own conclusions about me and maybe RAVENHILL. The truth is that after reading this you may think I’m an arrogant jerk, that I really think RAVENHILL is better than everyone. I hope that isn’t what you take from this. Music is subjective and almost unquantifiable when it comes to the question: Who is better?
I’m trying to be as honest with you as I’m being with myself. While there’s a part of me that worries someone reading this will take it the wrong way, the rest of me is okay with it if you mishear me.
I know that I have believed this lie to produce the music and content I have in the past. I watched these bands we played with and thought to myself: I have to become better than that! I don’t think it’s wrong to be honest. I’ve never hated myself for being honest. I would hate myself more if I allowed fear to dictate my life decisions. I may be wrong in some of my stances, but I’m working them out, publicly, publicly because I trust other people’s point of view. I learn best that way.
-Joshua Clifton (a liar)