One of the questions that people have asked me in my 20+ years of ministry is how they should handle arguments in their marriages and other relationships. I tell them that I am not an expert in this area by any means, but I have been married for 45+ years, and the Lord has taught me some things that have helped my marriage to actually improve over time.

First and foremost, when a problem arises in one of my relationships, I pray for divine wisdom, based on the promises of God. Scripture says: “If any of you lacks wisdom [to guide him through a decision or circumstance], he is to ask of [our benevolent] God, who gives to everyone generously and without rebuke or blame, and it will be given to him.” (James 1:5 AMP) My husband, Joe, and I received Christian marriage counseling many years ago, and it did help us to some extent. But it wasn’t as helpful as going directly to God for wisdom and guidance. The Lord sees into our hearts, and He sifts our motives. He alone knows about our emotional scars, and our warped attitudes. And because He created each one of us, He knows what is best for us, and how to heal us. When we cry out to Him, He is readily available to us every moment of every day.

The next verse in this passage reveals a major requirement for receiving an answer from the Lord when we pray for guidance. “But he must ask [for wisdom] in faith, without doubting [God’s willingness to help], for the one who doubts is like a billowing surge of the sea that is blown about and tossed by the wind.” (James 1:6 AMP) When we truly believe in “God’s willingness to help,” He will send us revelation from heaven that will transform our relationships and bring healing.

Another piece of advice that I give people is to keep the devil out of their marriage by refusing to stay angry. Unforgiveness will destroy a relationship faster than anything else. The Bible says: “Be angry [at sin—at immorality, at injustice, at ungodly behavior], yet do not sin; do not let your anger [cause you shame, nor allow it to] last until the sun goes down. And do not give the devil an opportunity [to lead you into sin by holding a grudge, or nurturing anger, or harboring resentment, or cultivating bitterness].” (Ephesians 4:26-27 AMP) God allows righteous indignation, and He will show us how to confront our loved ones with their sin when we ask for His wisdom. But when we hold on to our anger and resentment, and we withhold forgiveness from others, we are opening the door to demonic activity that can destroy the very relationships we cherish most. God has the perfect plan for healthy relationships for you and yours. Will you seek His wisdom and grace in this area?

Prayer: Lord, please show me how to have godly relationships that honor You. Teach me to pray for Your wisdom and guidance, so that I will always know how to respond correctly to issues and disagreements that arise. Help me to forgive others quickly and thoroughly the way You do. Heal me of all past hurts, and all toxic mindsets. Thank You that as I follow Your leadership in this area, You will protect my relationships, and make them a source of joy and fulfillment for me!