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11. What I Have Done

by Psalm


I donít think you trust in my self righteous suicide

God what have I done
Wonít you save me from this filthy kind of man Iíve become
I wish that I could take that day away wish I could say thatís not me
But I canít seem to wash the smell of sin up off my body
And it haunts me how fast and far I can fall
Let my guard down for a minute and Iím back against the wall
And I must have some gall
Convictions, none at all
As often as I do it one would think that I just love to fall
Seek you at the church and I seek you at my home
And I teach you to my friends and I pray when Iím alone
But that doesnít seem to matter still I fall in seconds flat
And the devilís in my ear like Boy you should be stepping back
Youíre not worthy of his grace and youíre not worthy of forgiveness
Kill yourself, your such a wreck just ask around youíll find a witness
To the dirt youíve left behind in your wake with every crime
So your family and humanity would be better if you just died

I donít - I donít
I donít think you trust - trust
I donít think you trust - trust
I donít think you trust
In my self righteous suicide
I donít think you trust - trust
I donít - I donít think you trust - trust
I donít - I donít think you trust
In my self righteous suicide

God what have I done
How far can I run
Before Iíve outrun your grace
Even the prodigal son
Turned his back he turned away from his devious ways
But I revisit mine daily and I easily stray
And you can see that I pray
For your wisdom and your clarity
Intentional ignorance is my lack of sincerity
How long have you been sparing me
From consequences I deserve
Tell the world I serve my God
But God can tell itís me I serve
Head belongs down on a curb
Spill my brains for every word
Every grain of heavy dirt
Every stain and every hurt
Every pain Iíve laid before me
Righteous death to end my story
Life Iíve lived it lacks your glory
Life Iíve lived is sad and gory
Thatís word to Maury I belong on a talk show
Getting smacked up by fam who has totally lost hope
They know that Iím a lost cause know that Iím a lost soul
Iím feeling hostile going towards the crossroads


Go on and trust your suicide boy
Itís better if you died boy
Do it now before you hurt more people with your life boy
Youíll be digging this hole deeper
Til the day you meet the reaper
Til your family wonít forgive you
And God wonít forgive you either
Youíre out of reach for the host of heaven to reach you
God wonít see an enemy and I can hear and I believe the
Voice thatís ever in my brain
Try to pray but Iím ashamed
And I fall apart reduce to tears when I cry his name
Iím entrenched in this sin, Iíve let them all down now
Trying to bring his mercy in, but no mercyís found now
Down and out I bow down, wish I had another chance
But I wouldnít blame the saints if they ainít give another glance
Not to me, honestly I donít know what I was thinking
Thought I walked with God on water not at all though I was sinking
Iím on the brink of stepping off of the deep end
So if youíre here for all the sinners Jesus please be here for me then

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