I woke up late it was like 10 in the morning
I was still half asleep sleep eyed still yawning
I checked my voice mail just to see who’d been calling
Turn on my computer check e-mail logged on it
Junk mail, junk mail dog gone it
Everybody they just trying to sell me they products
But there was one e-mail that just caught my optics
It said “suicidal” I took the mouse I clicked on it
She said Dear KJ you don’t know who I am
You probably don’t even care cause I’m just another fan
I doubt you’ll ever read this now but if you can
Sometimes I slash my wrists or even cut my hands
I feel all alone like nobody understands
And I’m going to end it tonight I got the whole thing planned
Pop pills, leave a note on my night stand
Signed sincerely your #1 fan

Can someone now please help me?
I need someone now to please help me

My heart is pounding as I started to type back
Why do you feel this way do you mind if I ask?
What the source and cause of the pain that you have
How did you get this way is it something from ya past
God cares about you I hope you understand that
Please don’t end your life I beg you please write back
I finished typing I sent the e-mail quite fast
I bowed my head and prayed with the strength that I had
She said man KJ I didn’t even think you’d write me
Let me explain why nobody could ever like me
It all started when my father used to strike me
I been raped and abused since 1990
He’s gone now but I can’t put it all behind me
I want to run away but my troubles always find me
Is God really just the One who could help me?
Signed now your #1 fan sincerely

Chorus

Dear number one fan I got a lot to tell you
But with e-mail there’s only so much I can help you
See I know a father that would never ever fail you
Who will give you a love when nobody ever cared to
I know you might feel like everybody hates you
And you feel like you got no one that you relate to
And death feels just like the best place to escape to
But that’s a lie that Satan he just wants to tell you
I’m sorry that you were abused your father raped you
But you have to get some help cause nobody can make you
I know it’s hard to face but God will give you strength to
I know you got a lot of things you gots to work through
But with his help see I know that you can break through
I seen it myself all the times that he came through...
Hit me back tell me what ya think of what I sent you
I’ll be praying sincerely KJ-52

Chorus

I’d be pretending if I said the story had a happy ending
But after that night see I never heard from her again
That night I tossed turned lying on my bed and
Crying praying with these thoughts running through my head and
Did she do it take her life and wind up dead and
Or did she not choose it and just listen to what I said and
Maybe she never got the last one I was sending
Is it my fault was there something I should’ve mentioned?
Every morning I would just check my e-mail
Checking for any detail hoping praying she’s well
My e-mails came back saying that they failed
No such address for number one fan at hotmail
Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and
Time went past and I still just heard nothing
No letter no e-mails just not even something
What happened to my number one fan I’m still wondering?

Written by J. Sorrentino, T. Collins, and M. Ripol ©2003 kjfivetwomusic (SESAC) / Jones Fercury Music (ASCAP) / Funk In Ya Jazz Publishing (ASCAP)